“Expectation is the root of all heartache.”
I entered a new social situation with the belief that I was going in calmly rather than with my habitual tendency to be a bit too forthright and awkward. From childhood, I tend to push too hard. Also, I have a naivety that tells me - since I'm a nice person, I ought to be liked. My strong and naive persona worked in school. Afterwards, it began to work against me.
Over the years I found trust and peace, and subsequently, respect and self-dignity.
So I thought things would be okay, would be great.
They weren't, they aren't.
Everything heightened by my girl's own somewhat mirroring dilemma, and pushed along by my desire to make connections for her sake.
But, I'm on the other side of disappointment now. I've wriggled back into my skin.
Act without expectation.
Both Laozi and the Buddha have said similar. Usually connected to doing good acts without expecting rewards, but I feel it can have a wider application.
You've heard me say it before, when we strive or push for a particular outcome, we are blocking the natural flow of the dynamics.
So I will re-enter that situation truly calm. Calm not just in appearance but also in heart.