Small Wound
We all know that bit of wisdom, that we can't change other people, only our reactions to them. What proves most difficult is changing the habitual reactions.
We form emotional habits like any other, and none more potent than those attached to our loved ones.
These last few days I have found myself treading an old old story. I am emerging faster because whilst bruised, unlike previously, I never became ensnared. I dissolved my emotional habit of allowing someone else's misery to pull me under.
I change everything, when I change myself.
"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self."
tao te ching, chp 33
It is enlightenment to know one's self."
tao te ching, chp 33
That last line, "I change everything, when I change myself," was a hugely powerful statement, Monica! It somehow seem to take some time, some decades of living to come to know that we don't have to be caught in other people's negative energy. Our ingrown reactions and chewing on the same old stories can be a disservice to ourselves. You were wise to wake up. I hope you're dwelling in a more positive space now. ((HUGS)) P.S. So thrilled to hear about the clay book! :o)
ReplyDeletei think it impossible to not be affected, unless we're a guru living in the himalayas.... we're social beings and ordinary love connects us emotionally. but yes, we can learn not to drown.
DeleteThis has been one of the most difficult lessons for me to learn, and yes I still get bruised but can move away more easily now, not 'locked in', this too is becoming a habit and the more I practice the better I feel.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your lovely comment, I love coming over here for 'ink & chai' I know we are neighbours on the same land-mass and that means a great deal to me, not sure about you but I feel we are few compared to overseas friends, maybe I haven't researched enough?
Would love to meet for a cuppa one day, in the meantime hope you settle soon into your new life in Devon. :~)xxx
yes, not getting locked in, it's so easy to do so.
Deletei think 80% of my visiters are from usa, it's a little strange considering how many uk users there are?
I've learned recently that sometimes you just need to love people from a distance (family, sometimes friends). It doesn't mean you love them less. Just that you value the health and well-being of your emotions, and spirit, and no longer allow their toxic energy into your space. This was hard to overcome. The idea of family bonds is so ingrained in us, this idea family MUST be together, always get along. Sometimes we just don't click. Friends are the family we create for ourselves. It is so important to surround yourself with people that will help to lift you up, not bring you down.
ReplyDeleteKeep emerging, beautiful one!
thank you darling.
Deleteeither distance or learning somehow to breathe through when distance isn't possible.
mmmmmm...yes...this is such a big thing to be able to practice -- this art of non-ensnarement ;)
ReplyDeleteso glad you are finding it easier...
((((hugs))))
xo
the art of non-ensnarement.... e-course anyone? chuckle
Deleteone of the hardest lessons, ever. one of the latest learned, ever. probably something we'll have to train until we'll leave this life.
ReplyDeletebut when we manage to climb a tiny step on this, it is the most rewarding, ever.
is is HUGELY rewarding, a huge burden off ourselves.
DeleteThis is a lesson I really do need to learn. I've spent too much time allowing my reactions to others to dictate what my self worth is. Know you are loved and I'm sending you so many good thoughts!
ReplyDeletethank you, they mean a lot to me.
Deleteit feels like such freedom to be able to do this, doesn't it, as though we don't always hold the power to reach for it. (the last bit is foolish but feels real enough sometimes.)
ReplyDeletexo
erin
it's all in our power, both a simple and utterly difficult choice. the beauty of this human life.
DeleteI follow this path too
ReplyDeletechanging everything by changing myself
it's a long difficult sometimes even painful path
but, like you, I have enough wisdom, now
to know is the only one
love to you xoxoxo
the only path really?
DeleteIt takes a long time getting there but I'm glad you've discovered the way to do it
ReplyDeletereminding me of what is known but needs to be acknowledged and allowed to surface...
ReplyDeleteletting go of the 'idea' and accepting the 'real' can be challenging. It may require countless talks with oneself, but in practice we are becoming more skilled at being who we are and what the universe intends. and know that the intentions are always in our favour.
Thank you Monica, (although across cyberspace)"ink and chai" never fails at giving my day a bit of direction, friendship and so much love. Reasuring indeed to this only child in the woods.
"the intentions are always in our favour."
Deleteyes and double yes.
I love that last line - there is so much honesty and power in that thought. I'm glad that you were able to not become ensnared, especially with an old story - sometimes those can be the worst entanglements to break out of. I'm going to write that down - "I change everything when I change myself." Simply beautiful.
ReplyDeletedefinitely the worst, we become so entrenched, become habits more than unique moments.
DeleteI wish I could say the same. spending time with my mother, I always realize how little has changed. it's frustrating. and disappointing. and I'm constantly tense and angry. and I'm afraid I've given up on change. at least in that respect. time to say good bye...
ReplyDeleteyes, the frustration comes when we want the other person to be different to who they are. it's an amazing relief to let go of that pushing. either we shift our perspective on difficult but salvageable relationships, or say goodbye to the toxic ones. Most of us just get stuck inbetween hoping for things to magically be different. I know I have.
DeleteGreat post Monica... Recently allowing myself to disentangle from the "story", the family vortex has been challenging, "not allowing someone else's misery to pull me under" ( a great line!). It really takes a lot of conscious awareness to not get sucked under again and again. But I see from previous comments, and yourself, that I am in good company. :) I have managed recently to give myself some space from the family vortex... And it has made a huge difference in how I *see* the dynamic...
ReplyDeletei had worked through the worst of the relatives one, coming out the other end shinier, but this last is even closer and distance isn't the option. energetic boundaries.
ReplyDeleteAh yes, energetic boundaries... I know...
DeleteWonderful post. I can see much wisdom here Monica.
ReplyDeleteyes. you're right smack on target: it's all about starting the change with us.
ReplyDeleteabsolutely!
ReplyDeletebeautiful Monica
thank you
love and light
you're doing it, baby!
ReplyDeleteand I am inspired, once again.
XO
C
Wise + true. Especially this: "I change everything, when I change myself." I really connected with that. x
ReplyDeleteIt feels to me that the more my life falls into balance and the more I let go, the more I find myself reading myself on other blogs, or finding profoundness in anything from the movie I watch to the traffic I endure.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a piece for me. Treading an old story. Not willing to get sucked in and actually finding myself being a witness to the emotions as they come, allowing them to go and indeed, realising that often these emotions are like the young child within me, just needing a hug and a kiss and to know that everything is ok. Divine even.
We each have our stories, our lessons, and it is weird to see the repetition, though great to see growth enough to just bear witness. Possibly even heal.
yes, that's the intriguing thing about presence and awareness, is that we can become both united and separate. we recognise oneness and yet we can step back and detach.
DeleteThis was such a refreshing read..thank you for this reminder.
ReplyDeleteI've been trying this myself (changing reactions) and not expecting others to change. Its definitely easier with those not so close though. But, wow, what a whole new and shiney relief-filled world it offers.
ReplyDeleteMonica this is so truly wonderful; isn’t that what life is about, change, become a better version of ourselves... x sandra
ReplyDeleteI sit here nodding, knowing very well that path. Emotional habits are so hard to change, and certainly awareness is the first step. I'd like to say that I have achieved freedom from certain habitual chains, but as soon as I do I will be retested again for sure, hehe...I do try to remember that the ones I react most negatively to are the ones that I have the most to learn from, funny(and annoying) how that works....
ReplyDeletexoxo