"When an inner situation is not made conscious,
it happens outside as fate."
Carl Jung
The fears we hold secretly inside ourselves will birth themselves in our lives as a challenging situation or person, if we don't heed the call within to heal, to change.
We all know that feeling of discomfort, of frustration, of anxiety, of emptiness. The food, the praise, the wine, the money, the hugs, the 'prize', offers a temporary high. Recognising the discomfort when it happens is our chance for changing.
We rarely take these.
If you are arrogant, you will encounter opportunities to humble yourself. If you are impatient you will encounter opportunities to wait. If you push for anything but authenticity, you will find yourself exposed.
I call them opportunities, many call them problems.
Sometimes we become too comfortable and a little smug when we are evolving, so we project again externally, our Souls say, okay, let's see if you really get it.
In my time here (at in-laws' home) I have been severely restricted, shoved into roles, piled with expectations, and I have been humbled. I fought it.
Really hard.
Some super sensitive spots were being prodded. And I felt as if I were in a battle to save my Self. Yet I knew my soul created this, so I breathed, stopped fighting, and learned.
It's often through sickness that we find a deep or final push for change. My body broke down, then my mind felt dissolved, finally I surrendered, and worked alongside my Arrogance Shadow. The battle wasn't for Self against Others, but for inner Self-healing.
Work of 10 years, deep painful work of 3. Now broken open.
The wounded little girl can now rest, unafraid of dragons.
I'm feeling the fated season too, fighting my own dragons of fear. I'm feeling discomfort on all sides, waiting for the lessons to reveal themselves!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad your little girl is feeling the time has come for rest, dragons banished!
I think we are waiting for the season of calm and quiet to envelope us for awhile for the healing work to complete. x
we all have a scared child within. i have been tending my little girl for so long, it feels good to give her a rest.. in this area anyway ;)
Deletemay winter bring soothing!
yes indeed - beautifully said. And what you say here, particularly about being broken open, but also the process (and pain) of our evolving, reminds me of the idea of beauty emerging from woundedness, (also imaged as a kind of opportunity by John O'Donohue):
ReplyDelete"a wound is...a breakage that lets in light...while the wound is open, new light flows into the helpless dark and the inner night of the body weeps through the wound. In the rupture and pain it causes, a wound breaks the silence; it cries out. It ruptures through the ordinary cover of words we put on things".
There can be a beauty, and opportunity for transformation in our woundedness (our anxieties, or discomforts as you describe). But my word! Those opportunities can be gruelling at times can't they!
yes! a wound is a door, a window. it's often the way of things, of us, that we need to make the wound larger before we're ready to break through.
Deletei wonder where it is we get the idea of perfection in conjunction with happiness, approval and acquisition. we define words incorrectly and set society on the head of a pin. perfection is instead this constant state of evolution, as you say, the opportunity to grow.
ReplyDeletethese last couple years i practice against my ego. i don't know if it is right or wrong. i didn't learn the practice through anyone's teachings, but if my ego has a moment of inflating due to success (success being another term we must redefine) i breathe and remind myself that the moment of inflation means nothing in itself but that the next moment of opportunity to recognize i am small is coming. it is the process that is significant.
i would say i am sorry for your pain and discomfort but this is not true. you wear it beautifully. you break open and what is inside is vulnerable and gorgeous.
xo
erin
perfection is just one Shadow, but i think it's one that happened to work well with society as we have created it. it's thrived.
Delete"the moment of inflation means nothing in itself but that the next moment of opportunity to recognize i am small is coming"
excellent, yes.
Powerful. There's a lot to think about here.
ReplyDeletehow I understand your words.....
ReplyDeletemoving past the monsters in my own head
standing beside you
love and light
Mr. Jung. so full truth, as are you. Thank you for this. I am the one who is afraid of dragons, my inner girl is quite brave. Searching for the dialog with her.
ReplyDeleteAAhh! expectations...there it is again! control, manipulation, lack of trust in the universe. How it is a struggle for me indeed. A struggle with expectations placed on oneself and the expectaions allowed in by others. Oh to let it go and be content with what is.
ReplyDeleteit's a journey. small steps, occasional leaps. :)
DeleteExpectations... I hate that word. I hate that other people have so many of me. It adds tension to my life and makes me feel cornered.
ReplyDeleteI need to learn to break free of them before I have a breakdown.
Sending you good vibrations.
i tried to break free of the expectations. then i stopped fighting that. healing what was hurting inside, made the expectations irrelevant. kinda like, two birds with one stone too. :)
DeleteWow. You've been so beautifully committed to the work.
ReplyDeleteIt is said that all experiences (even in-laws) can teach us to learn exactly what we need to learn about ourselves. But damnit, no one said it would be easy either.
Hugs,
C.
no, utterly gruelling this one. But i got there in the end. :)
DeleteI've had so many fears for so long. For my own mental health, and physical health, I had to stop surrounding myself with the people that bring those fears out. Sometimes we can't help but be near them, family, so it's still a bit of a struggle sometimes. But, I'm learning. As I grow spiritually, my value in myself gains and takes over the fears.
ReplyDeleteNow to work on the fears I instill in myself....
yes. sometimes it's about creating distance, and sometimes it's about facing the dragons. the first creates peace, the latter creates a chance for profound healing.
Deletei've done my healing, now i'm ready for space. ;)
I have been experiencing this too! Interestingly through the new "creative process" that I started 2 weeks ago. Intense frustration, anxiety, and insecurity, feeling a loss of inner connection, which totally surprised me. I expected that everything would just flow! That art would be a vehicle to tap into that deep inner space of creative fluidity - probably eventually... :) Right now I feel like the 11 year old that was given a lot of responsibility and just supposed to know what to do... ugh... There are so many shadow layers! So I'm dancing with my shadows ~ ~ ~
ReplyDeleteI've heard many spiritual teachers say: "If you think you are 'enlightened' spend time with your family." :) Well, I also discovered that if you think you are "enlightened" try doing art (or anything that takes you out of your comfort zone, that makes you squirm, that pushes your buttons). There is more to be seen in art than meets the eye :) lol
I love this that you wrote: "If you push for anything but authenticity, you'll find yourself exposed." Yes! I think that is the lesson here as well - letting go of self-images, self-identities, waiting for that authentic expression to emerge - waiting to be "broken open." Great post! - and photo...
yes, i think that the creative process is a straight opening into our soft centre. guaranteed it will dredge up all sorts of shadows. need for perfection/success is an obvious one, but there are many others.
Deletewhen i restarted art a few years ago, i found myself wrestling with dragons. at least with some spiritual work we tend to recognise them sooner. ;)
to stop fighting is the hardest part for me. it is definitely the brave choice. i can't quite wrap my head around why resistance and old ideas are so much easier. i'm hoping for a brave season.
ReplyDeletewe're funny creatures. familiarity is easier. no matter how much we're hurting ourselves, it's our first choice.
DeleteCan I share with you a piece of what I wrote in my journal today?
ReplyDelete"From pain, from suffering, from complete surrender, comes our most prolific understanding that we are never finished. By walking through darkness, we are given the chance to see, then fully embrace light, over and again."
I love that whenever I read your posts, it hits me square in the chest. I love that your authenticity and vulnerability allows others to feel the same, offer the same, and just be the same...
much love to you dear sister, rest well...
xo
thank you for sharing that. i especially love, "we are never finished"
DeleteYes I do fear that. And I really feel for you reading your words - I hope you are ok. You know, I just met my wounded little girl last month (in a shamanic healing session) and it's awoken part of my inner-self. Definately an ah-hah moment. So reading your post resonated ...
ReplyDeleteMuch love and take care
Marissa x
it's a tough journey, but like all journeys, we do end up somewhere different. and in healing, well, it can only be a better place.
Deleteps lovely photo too
ReplyDeleteI agree. life pushes you into certain directions, and problems/opportunities seem to be its preferred method. I have to admit it's tiring. you have to accept things and deal and learn, but it can be extremely hurtful. I currently wonder what to do when self-preservation kicks in, when you know you should face a situation but another part of you screams to get your distance or it might get too much...
ReplyDeletewe do what we have to do, what we feel is right in that moment. sometimes it's to run, sometimes it's to fight, sometimes it's to lay own and be slain. they all fill different needs as we're ready for them.
DeleteI had to read this a few times to get it-beautifully and deeply written. Never a truer word written. It can be so hard though, with those closest but also at work I find. An office environment seethes with struggles. My arrogance shadow needs exposure to be sure. I too am deeply realising that the issue isn't with others but with myself.
ReplyDeleteMight print this out!
"If you are impatient you will encounter opportunities to wait" that's me dear Monika.
ReplyDeleteAnd you... you take this trip in such a grecious, deep, honest way.
“We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.”
Tom Robbins
Monica, i swear when i come here i read just what i needed. this is a fantastic post, like Rach above, i might print this out ...
ReplyDeletehere i am again, finding that my words became inflated (do you say that?) cause i want to write how amazing this post is...and how i can relate to it, and i believe i have already written that, on many post of yours.
ReplyDeletei feel there are so many lessons like this in life, and nowadays i start to see them like that, like opportunities to learn. i still forget inbetween. of course. we all do.
and it is hard work, indeed. i still think i have not gotten to my deepest point if you know what i mean.
thank you for your sensitive and wise posts.
love,
Your posts are always exactly what I need to hear.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing.
Oh my word...what powerful words, pieces broken open on the page. Our exterior is so reflective of the lives, challenges and sweet nuances of the interior. I love your awareness, it's a gentle invitation into my own examination of all the rumbles and quakes I am experiencing right now. We are standing at the border of a move from our home, the home we have lived in for 17 years and I feel the gentle pulling of skin and it feels so vulnerable, so exposed and open. But I trust it comes with the growth of new skin and a new woman from the small girl that holds onto these four walls. So lovely....I've been away too long and every time I return to this spot I am refreshed. Thank you and much love and light your way as you open new doors...XO
ReplyDeleteyes, a move after a lengthy stay must have its own pulls and twitches. all the very best with it.
Deleterumbles and quakes... yes. ready for peace now ;)
"The wounded little girl can now rest, unafraid of dragons" - I love that.
ReplyDelete“Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.” G.K. Chesterton
excellent.
Deletei feel i need to read this over and over, to soak it in and feel the wisdom that I know is there, really properly sink in. But you had me at the first question - i constantly battle seeking perfection and feeling that i will be criticissed and judged at every turn. Exacerbated, especially recently by certain family relationships, in which i am judged, and found lacking in every which way.
ReplyDeletebut you are right, they are dragons and hiding is no way to deal. i had a complete physical breakdown closely followed by mental breakdown (triggered by the same family member) 6 months after Butterfly's birth. i learned a lot about self care, listening to my truth and honouring myself. i just have to stay true to that through all the tests. good luck sweet wonderful soul, i honour your journey and hope to travel alongside you.
i think we are especially vulnerable after giving birth. our heart centre's are open and soft. we are vulnerable to wounding, but we are also more open to healing.
DeleteYou're beautiful.
ReplyDelete