"holding onto a vision that isn't working out
is just plain exhausting"
Letting go of a vision is so very difficult. For some it's sheer stubbornness or difficulty accepting change, but for others, like myself, it's the idea of vision itself. That is, human potential, Beauty, possibilities, reaching and stretching ourselves.
There is no experience in me of not reaching higher. Pushed down, thrown down, even stomped upon, I get back up, brush myself off, and try again. When I am thrown even just a crumb of chance for 'better', I gobble it hungrily.
We admire this fortitude don't we? Yet what is innate in us rarely changes and what is innate in others, even less.
So who becomes exhausted, depleted, empty, first?
Always me. Always the one reaching.
The highest ideals eventually dissolve into the clouds, based on nothing we can grasp and make concrete.
I can't be anything other than what I am, and I have accepted a large portion of What Is, but I remain in pain. So is there a whole different area to stop and rest? Can I find it through the undergrowth of dissatisfaction so thick it is grief? A place of acceptance that does not bruise my heart?
Acceptance to the point that denies the needs of the Self is not acceptance...
it is sacrifice.
I've never had a need for that.
